He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
