Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
