I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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