Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
