I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
