i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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