I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
