don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
