i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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