What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
