Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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