I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
