So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
