When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
