The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
