At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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