Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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