Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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