R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
