It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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