so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
