Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
