Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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