Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
