I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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