the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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