we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
