I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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