Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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