I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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