I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
