she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
