This girl is more easily done than said...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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