: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
