Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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