Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
sex in a hospital.. check
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
