I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
