So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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