i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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