Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she told me i tasted like america
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
