There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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