Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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