ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
