Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
