told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
