end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
