You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
