Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
