Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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