I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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