I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
