i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
