Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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