I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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