Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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