In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery