I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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