3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
