You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this boner is exhausting
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
