.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
