Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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