dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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