Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
