dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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