New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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