champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
