When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
