I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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