I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize