last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
