Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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