She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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